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20120925
20121003
Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Sep 28, 2012 11:25am PDT
. (applause) the point is the point is the polls showing romney behind have to be wrong. >> we have a bunch of polls, gallup, pew and-- and uh-- the cnn which either oversampled democrats or at least in the case of cnn, appear to grossly underestimate the percentage of independents. >> there is really lousy sampling in these polls. >> i don't believe them because i think the sampling is probably skewed. >> it is clear that many of these polls are oversampling. >> the polls are skewed. >> i don't believe them. you can go through all the scientific goobledygook you like, i done believe them. >> yes, they're basing this all on scien particular goobledygook which is also the name of stuart vaughn's character in harry potter. professor poppycock goob el dee gook. (laughter) that's very hard to say without swallowing your own tongue. now luckily, folks, i've got my own source of polls. conservative blogger dean chambers, who analyzed these polls favouring obama and then reached the scientific conclusion that they just didn't look right. so chambers set up his own polling site unskewed polls.com w
Comedy Central
Sep 26, 2012 6:55pm PDT
networks >> stephen: tonight, the polls are not favoring mitt romney. great, first the british, now he's in trouble with polish people. (laughter) then, outrage in the n.f.l. though after a few more concussions who will remember? (laughter) and my guest, claressa shields, is the first woman to win gold in olympic boxing. i will float like a butterfly and ask questions also like a butterfly. (laughter) i have gotten a iphone 5! (cheers and applause) and apple maps says i'm in norway! this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the report." (audience chanting "stephen"). (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the report." please, thank you for joining us. i lost the emmy. (laughter) speaking of losing, mitt romney. (laughter) he has had a run of bad luck lately and this past weekend was no different. on saturday, ann romney's plane had to make an emergency landing after an electrical fire broke out on board. now, i'm happy to hear that she is fine. no one's sure wha
Comedy Central
Sep 25, 2012 11:30pm PDT
"national journal" poll has obama leading romney by seven points! but folks there is no reason to panic. fox news will panic for you. (laughter) >> i think these polls in the battleground states understate romney's support. >> i don't believe that the polls really matter until the debates begin. >> i think one of the first times that we should look at the polls in real sincerity is after one or two of the debates. >> stephen: yeah! after one or two of the debates. mid-october. give it time. (laughter) the romney campaign is only on their third reboot since the convention! we've had businessman romney, foreign policy romney, latino romney. (laughter) but we still haven't seen aqua romney! (laughter and applause) he-- (cheers and applause) he uses his mental powers to tell fish that 47% of them are just lampreys. (laughter) so conservatives, just forget about the polls! it is way too soon to start mourning the death of the romney campaign. and i am not in denial here, because that would mean i was starting the five stages of grief. and i am not! oh, that makes me so angry! (laughter) and i wil
Comedy Central
Sep 26, 2012 11:30pm PDT
to resurrect the ottoman empire by denying us bacon. (laughter) yet another reason we must elect mitt romney. now, unfortunately, the latest quinnipiac/"new york times"/cbs/t.c.b.y. poll has obama up by ten points in ohio, nine points in florida and 12 points in pennsylvania. (cheers and applause) i don't get it. i don't get it, folks. how can romney be behind? he's so popular that his fans are releasing bootlegs of his speeches! (laughter) folks, don't believe the critics who say this campaign doesn't have a prayer. he's going to have plenty of prayers-- thank thanks to a new web site called 40daystosaveamerica.com. >> all around us we see a nation falling around us into attacks on religious liberty. we're asking pastors and congregations all over america to commit to 40 days of prayer, fasting, and action. prayer plus fasting plus action equals change. >> stephen: that's amazing. because usually prayer plus fasting plus action equals passing out. (laughter) now, the hero-- (applause) the hero behind this project is texas pastor rick scarborough who last august helped launch rick perry's pr
Comedy Central
Sep 26, 2012 1:30am PDT
in the polls because the closer we get to the election it is dumber mitt romney appears to be getting. (cheers and applause) here he is touting his economic plan-- settle down. really? is that how you want to win this thing? (laughter) the other guy just tears his a.c.l., is that how you want to win? (laughter) here's romney touting his economic plan at the start of this campaign last year. >> my economic plan lays out how i will ultimately get government to shrink, grow our economy, balance our budget so that investors in new jobs and enterprises will have confidence in america. it's about 150 pages with 59 different policy ideas. >> jon: 59 policy ideas! 150 pages! 11 herbs and spices! 99 bottles of beer on the wall! now here he is touting his economic plan just eight months later. >> if we win on november 6, it will be a great deal of optimism about the future of this country. we'll see capital come back and we'll see-- without actually doing anything, we'll actually get a boost to the economy. (audience reacts) this is the businessman candidate! he's gone from having a 59 point economic pl
Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)